A place for my thoughts

“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

That old maxim, quoted above, was in an email I received this morning.  I was surprised because I woke up thinking about the sections of my life.  Mine is sliced into so many.   Several of what I’d call major parts I’d like to explore more since I think they hold a key to my evolution while I’m on this planet.  I keep putting this on the back burner.  My daughter… little Spunky… gave me some words of wisdom once.  “Mom”, she said, “It’s okay to look at the past; just don’t stare too hard.”  I’ve held these words very close as I still can buy into some of the “fruits of my stares” and then allow them to room in my head (AGAIN).    They are getting easier to distinguish and dismiss as Lies I Tell to Myself.    Lies I Tell to Myself are just that; negative, useless, senseless, baseless lies all about me to me so me can beat me up, again.  I recognize that.  It used to come in the guise of lack of self esteem.  These days it only tries to sneak in when I’m not paying attention.

In 2003 my life took a(nother) turn.   A death re-birthed me although through my blur I didn’t really realize it right away.  I felt nothing but forms of guilt, fear and anger.  I wallowed in my pain.  Major depression settled on me.  Happiness was not found in my vocabulary, much less my life.  When I finally hit the rock hard bottom and there was nothing left to do but climb up or die I decided to live.  I decided to climb.  I decided… making those decisions one little step at a time; making my mind up to be happy and as free from negative influences as possible.  Happiness is not one of those Lies I Tell to Myself.   Happiness feels good and the (recovering) addict/alcoholic me wants to feel that high.  I am not dead.  I am sober and I am happy.    

Happy Trails !!

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