A place for my thoughts

We are being led. We are not alone. Our Higher Power is working Its finest and best to bring true change in us. Others have traveled this road too. We will be led to someone who can help us, someone who can provide the markers we need. We are being prepared for receiving as much joy and love as our heart can hold. ~ Melody Beattie

August 6 - 9, 2010 022 ps

There have been many times in my life where I have felt trapped, alone or abandoned with nowhere to turn and nowhere to hide. It’s impossible to hide from yourself unless you are anesthetized and out cold. And that is only temporary. Once the lights come on it only gets worse. This is not a speculation on my part. It’s the truth as I learned it. It’s a different story today. I am not in my disease and I have spent, and still spend a lot of time recovering from it in one way or another. I accept that I am the sum of all my experiences, good and bad.

I remember in order to forget, in order to move through those cobwebs that would like to cling to my being like sticky little bits of cotton candy. I could stop and wallow in some of those old patterns and pities. I could bow to low self-esteem and self hate. Maybe I could twist up some resentments and anger. Or how about jealousy and rage, lies and deceit ? Oh ! I forgot drama. Lots of drama. Yeah ? I don’t think so. I could but I won’t. I’ve grown and changed over the years and that behavior isn’t in my life any longer. It tries to slip sneakily in. But I need to remember what it was like, not to become too comfortable and let my guard slip.

Remembering where the Past has taken me brings me to the Present and the gifts I receive daily. Waking Up (not Coming To), watching the sunrise from my lanai, having time to just be or create, my beautiful children and grandchildren, other family and friends, fantastic times with the man I love, working in my garden, traveling to places I never imagined, living in beauty by the ocean and being at relative peace with myself and others are just some of the gifts only a truly magnificent G.O.D. could give me. I felt, at a time passed, that I was undeserving of such gifts. Today I can smile and say “Thank You” while I accept these Blessings from Above.

Comment :

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: