A place for my thoughts

Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

I Believe in You

The Creator of the Universe, who has ordered the stars and the heavens and the earth, has a plan for your life. You are not a random act. You are not here by chance, but by design. You are destined for greatness that begins with your believing in your own destiny.
Mary Manin MorrisseyRoses 2-14-13

A Positive Direction

Whatever route others take to reach their personal nirvana is okay with me as long as they don’t try to drag me off my path.  I’m to the point where I can’t fight the obvious and obvious to me is that I need to keep on in the direction that feels right.  Many times over the past fifty-plus years I’ve wandered off course only to struggle, sometimes tremendously, to get back on track. I’ve wasted many moments and I’d like to spend the rest of my time on this planet being happily me. I want to be peaceful, loving and kind.  Above all, though, I want to stay free of that demon in a bottle; the greatest waste of my life.

Recently I’ve been contemplating my path; where I’ve been, where I am and where I’m headed.  It’s such a good feeling to instinctively know I’m moving along in a positive direction.  It’s certainly not free of bumps, this path.  Sometimes it even feels like a corduroy road but not at all as often as it used to.  The ride recently has been pretty smooth but a breeze is starting to blow in, trying its best to stir up some clouds and put a few puddles on my path.  I don’t think it’s going to storm but I’m keeping my eye on the horizon.

Transiting Uranus trine natal Saturn ~ The planetary energies flow smoothly; the connection is easy and beneficial.
This is a stressful time of great internal pressure upon the existing structure of your daily life, as unusually vivid insights or perhaps unexpected events threaten security and your feeling of status quo. You can usually deal well with the challenges you experience at this time, which tend to be productive of new awareness, rather than dilemmas impossible to solve. It can be a time of tremendous creativity in fact, as you incorporate new ideas into your existing system of values and possibly shed some outworn limitations overly restricting your behavior.  

 

Beginning to Unfold

I want to wish each and every one of you a fantastic New Year.  I  am really, really, really looking forward to what this year has to offer to each and every one of us in our Universe and to the unfolding of events in this time in space.

I’m on a good, pretty even keel.  The holidays came and went without any drama, family trauma, co-dependence or guilt.  It’s 2013 and we’re all still here, although the climate has changed.  There has been a shift in awareness with information coming through much more freely and what I consider incoming doesn’t involve “DUCK FOR COVER !!!”  This incoming is gentle and loving, opening my awareness and sharpening my senses.  Old ways are dissolving while at the same time something so totally new emerges.  It’s almost magical the way it is starting to softly cover the rough edges.  My seeking, soul-searching and looking for signs of what’s coming next (i.e. “heads up”) continues with great interest on my part.  I started to write about the experiences I had in my alcoholic, co-dependent and dysfunctional marriages.  After 4 agonizing days and 2,000 words I put a halt to it.  I dredged up memories and went backwards to where I don’t want to go right now.  It’s said that time heals*, after all, and those particular past issues** have almost been dealt with.  Almost is the key word here.  I know I need to look again but found myself starting to stare.  I will finish it but need to do so with all honesty so, for the moment, that story is on hold.

I’m “lightening my load” right now.  It’s a process, this cleaning up and cleaning out.  I used to spend a lot of time in thrift shops and at garage sales and made some money selling bits and pieces of vintage and antique items.  Trouble is I kept stuff and it added to the stuff I already had accumulated.  Then I acquired more stuff when my dad died and we cleaned 55 years out of his house.  That’s a lot of “stuff”.  It’s similar to what I’ve done in my life; just packing one experience, emotion or thought away and then stacking more on top without looking at what is underneath.  Pretty soon it’s stacked so high I forget what’s down there.  So anyway….  I came across a box of my old journals in the back of my closet.  (Stacked under…  of course.)  They go back to the late 70’s.  I randomly started reading something I’d written in 2004 and finally had to stop just to digest the whole experience.  At that time I was starting to question certain aspects and beliefs in my life.  To have this reference point and to be able to see where I am now is really rather amazing.  Thank GOD for faith.  That’s what got me here.  My emotional load has balanced out along the way as I’ve dumped old views, thoughts and feelings.  I’ve learned to know that when The Committee goes into session it’s time to sit, breathe, center and focus on being still.  I’m being attentive and going with each new realization and revelation I receive.  I know deep down that it wouldn’t  be wise to ignore them.  I’ve spent years not listening to what I knew was right.  NOW is my time.  Being propelled towards a New Me is one of the most exciting things I have ever experienced.

* Transitting Mercury Square Chiron ,  **Chiron Square Natal Sun

Quite A Beautiful Ride

We are living in a time when life is moving so rapidly that we can’t afford to cling to old rocks. There is far greater wisdom (and joy) in opening to the adventure and making a game of flowing with the stream. It really is quite a beautiful ride. Sometimes it seems that life is not working, but it is. The universe is intelligent, and our game is to remember that perfection is always unfolding, even when we do not see it in a cloudy moment.  ~ Alan Cohen

I want to continue to explore, expand my horizons.  There are so many fascinating subjects to research and an abundance of life to experience.  I don’t want to cling to a rock until my dying day.  I’m enjoying my adventure and am finally able to see it for what it is; for what it has always been.  I’m recognizing the lessons and learning.  I’m learning that everyone I come in contact with has something to teach me and I am grateful for that opportunity.  Sometimes I instantly recognize the significance of the message and other times the lesson isn’t immediately clear.  Sooner or later (and it’s sooner and sooner now) it appears and I am able to acknowledge it.

Life is moving at an amazing speed at this point in time and I know I’m not the only one who feels it.  It’s not frantic or stressed out.  It’s more like the information highway from the cosmos.  I am receptive and am having revelations right and left, out of the blue. Many people are, it seems.  Are you ?  I’m also witnessing more kindness.  Yesterday I pulled up to the drive through window at Starbuck’s with money in hand and found that the unknown person in the truck ahead of me paid had my tab.  I was so overwhelmed by that simple act of kindness… paying it forward (backwards!)  It’s another reminder that helps keep my faith in humankind alive.  I know it was a direct message to me to be more giving, loving and kind.

Time is unfolding, more is being revealed and I gratefully await to see what it brings.

.

The Edge

(Chiron Trine Natal Chiron*)

I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over.  Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can’t see from the center. ~ Kurt Vonnegut

NASA Photo http://saturn.jpl.nasa.gov/multimedia/images/saturn/images/IMG002314.jpg

I wish I could come up with a brilliant quote like this one.  It rings true to me and aptly explains how I feel.  I’m able to imagine how it would be to stand on the edge of one of Saturn’s rings and absorb the wonders of The Universe.  Although I can only envision the sights I would take in I’m just grateful I have my imagination and a link to the NASA website.

I’m at a point in my life where I want to go to the edge.  My mind is open and my curiosity strong.  I spent too many years in the center; playing it safe, being a chameleon, giving lip service and being controlled by one person or another. Having had guilt very frequently served to me on a silver platter I paid for it dearly in dis-ease.  Now I’m continuing my education in this University of Life.  I get to choose my courses and I am truly happy, enjoying this time in my life.

When I talk about going to the edge I’m not referring to out of control as in ” OMG she went over the edge this time”.  I’m talking getting to my edge, my “jumping off” place.  It’s about walking past old fears and old habits, which means being open to new ideas, different thoughts, spiritual growth, psychic impressions, people of like mind, insights and listening to my dreams, to name a few.  It means I can have my own GOD/Saviour, with whom I am at ease, and know that Love is always with me, that GOD is always in me.  I want to learn much more about things that resonate to and with me. Going to the edge  also means I can be myself, speak my truths; have my own opinions without fearing reproach and it means I can stay in my pajamas until 2:00 without any guilt.  In turn, it lets other people live their lives without my judgement upon them, their beliefs and opinions.  We all need to make our own mistakes.

My view is much clearer view since I started this journey.  I am becoming my authentic self  while I quietly mature.  Better late than never.  I realize I am holding much more  tolerance , understanding and compassion,  as well as holding my tongue.  Nothing much surprises me anymore.  I like getting to my edge, jumping off and finding there’s something even better waiting for me, purer and more refined, when I land.

*Transiting Chiron in trine with natal Chiron ~ The planetary energies flow smoothly; the connection is easy and beneficial. 

You are likely to be going through a period of transition. You are in the process of getting in touch with yourself, and this can be extremely rewarding as well as a necessary part of your evolution. This could be a time when strange events force upon you an intimation of other worlds, a broader perspective than that of ordinary reality, perhaps a taste of the transpersonal world of shamanism and magic. It also may be a time for re-examination of some painful issues that could be part of your make-up and possibly have been holding you back until now. Usually some issues from early childhood that were too painful to deal with in their era, and that have become repressed and remain lodged in your unconscious, come up during this period of time, perhaps brought on by recent events. Long repressed feelings may be difficult and painful to deal with, but there is a rich reward for getting in touch with these walled-off areas in order to become more whole. You can achieve a much greater degree of self-acceptance and ease once you have made the dark journey of discovery to find what lies within that space. (TimePassages www.astrograph.com)

Getting “Past” Gone

Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now in this instant of time. From this moment onwards you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed.  ~  Eileen Caddy

Some of my helpers.....

I like to take a good look at my past on occasion in order to gauge how far I have progressed.  Staring or dwelling upon it for any reason other than gleaning it’s lessons does not work for me.  I do not need to fall into a “could have, would have, should have” condition.  That’s a short road to a long depression if I decide to go there.  As long as I do  the next right thing now and keep love and kindness close to my heart I continue to evolve.  Developing into who I am at this moment in time has been slow but steady.  My mind, as well as my horizon, has expanded, becoming open and accepting of almost everything put in my path.  Negativity, dark thoughts and unbecoming action are quietly being left in the dust of the past and I continue to move forward.  The rest of this life is stretched before me like a canvas; waiting for me to pick up my brush.  I hope to create my masterpiece.

Courage to Be

“It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.”   e. e. Cummings

08StrengthSPI

The moment  I read this quote a part of me thought  “No.  I can’t write about courage.  I don’t have it in me.”  That’s how my  mind works against me.  I almost bought into it but caught myself.  I am going to write about it because I have fought hard to attain the courage to do this.

Courage is “the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. Physical courage is courage in the face of physical pain, hardship, death, or threat of death, while moral courage is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, shame, scandal, or discouragement.  In some traditions, fortitude holds approximately the same meaning as courage.  (Wikipedia)

Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

My last active insanity session came during a time in my life when I couldn’t cope with the reality of a situation over which I felt I had no control.  I thought it would go away and when it didn’t I went into denial and then into dis-ease.  It was like a living nightmare.  In dis-ease I become another person; dark and depressed.  I came to every morning and went to work; grimly facing the day with a pair of dark glasses and constant anxiety.  Towards the end I had to have a drink before I got to work.  At the end I drove almost 20 miles in a blackout on the wrong side of a two lane road with two police cars following me.  I didn’t see them.  It is said there are three ends for an alcoholic:  jail, institutions or death.  That final spiral downwards, and I don’t use the word final loosely, took me to places I never want to visit again and it’s only by G.O.D.’s grace I haven’t died.

When I came out of my fog I had several years of guilt, anger, fear, anxiety and shame to run through the shredder.  I was overwhelmed by my emotions.  Thank G.O.D. that my friends were there for me. I couldn’t have done it without their encouragement, love and (sometimes not so) gentle pushes.  Once on the road to freedom I had to learn to live with myself.  I had to forgive myself and all those “others”.  I had to learn to love myself and I had to learn how to love/live life as a responsible adult.  That was a big mouthful to swallow but the work I did, and still do, has rewarded me.

In the beginning I was terribly uncomfortable when I had to go “out in the world”.   I was very unsure of myself and my self-esteem was at rock bottom.  I had embarrassed myself beyond beyond.  I thought that everyone in town was talking about me and it made me crazy.  I couldn’t do what I wanted to do to alleviate the pain and thus the work, the research, the prayer and meditation began in earnest. Slowly it became easier  and my anxieties calmed down.  I realized that what other people thought of me was none of my business.  I found myself having the courage to go places, like the local market and post office, where I would inevitably run into someone looking at me as a juicy bit of gossip.  I found the courage to look back, smile and say “I couldn’t be better” when asked (and yes, many times, asked in a condescending manner) how I was.  My family saw changes and welcomed me “back”.   The guilt and shame slowly left.  I began to recognize my assets while removing the liabilities.  Today I have the courage to express my feeling and emotions, views and thoughts and can get usually get them up and out before they tear me up. I still have problems holding on sometimes.  I have the courage to post these blogs.  This is one of the more courageous thing I’ve ever done, and I do it with hopes it helps someone else at some time.  For some reason, it helps me.  It feels damn good having the courage to just be.

Image:  Strength VIII – Kay Steventon’s Spiral Tarot

 

We Are Not Alone

We are being led. We are not alone. Our Higher Power is working Its finest and best to bring true change in us. Others have traveled this road too. We will be led to someone who can help us, someone who can provide the markers we need. We are being prepared for receiving as much joy and love as our heart can hold. ~ Melody Beattie

August 6 - 9, 2010 022 ps

There have been many times in my life where I have felt trapped, alone or abandoned with nowhere to turn and nowhere to hide. It’s impossible to hide from yourself unless you are anesthetized and out cold. And that is only temporary. Once the lights come on it only gets worse. This is not a speculation on my part. It’s the truth as I learned it. It’s a different story today. I am not in my disease and I have spent, and still spend a lot of time recovering from it in one way or another. I accept that I am the sum of all my experiences, good and bad.

I remember in order to forget, in order to move through those cobwebs that would like to cling to my being like sticky little bits of cotton candy. I could stop and wallow in some of those old patterns and pities. I could bow to low self-esteem and self hate. Maybe I could twist up some resentments and anger. Or how about jealousy and rage, lies and deceit ? Oh ! I forgot drama. Lots of drama. Yeah ? I don’t think so. I could but I won’t. I’ve grown and changed over the years and that behavior isn’t in my life any longer. It tries to slip sneakily in. But I need to remember what it was like, not to become too comfortable and let my guard slip.

Remembering where the Past has taken me brings me to the Present and the gifts I receive daily. Waking Up (not Coming To), watching the sunrise from my lanai, having time to just be or create, my beautiful children and grandchildren, other family and friends, fantastic times with the man I love, working in my garden, traveling to places I never imagined, living in beauty by the ocean and being at relative peace with myself and others are just some of the gifts only a truly magnificent G.O.D. could give me. I felt, at a time passed, that I was undeserving of such gifts. Today I can smile and say “Thank You” while I accept these Blessings from Above.

G.O.D. and E.G.O.

I found her clinging to a rock at Pohoiki

I was listening to a podcast the other day and heard someone comment that “GOD speaks to us through one another”. I agree. On many occasions GOD has offered me the right words to speak when they are needed or they are spoken to me through someone else at exactly the right time. However, when I’m not in a “fit condition” mentally, spiritually and emotionally there is another force that just wants to be in charge of everything. That force is EGO. When I’m into EGO I’m unable to work well with GOD.

At some time along the way someone said GOD is an acronym for Good Orderly Direction while EGO is Easing God Out.  I’ve always liked that.  It makes sense to me that putting EGO before GOD blocks, blurs and distorts all matters of Spirit and defeats the true self. My belief that GOD resides within me gives me the power to recognize EGO problems.  Refusing that recognition is a denial of what GOD needs done.  Being aware of how EGO affects my whole being…  my Good Orderly Direction…  keeps me more comfortable with the “shedding process” and the new aspects of self that continue to emerge.

What’s Dominating Your Destiny ?

Once you exercise fear and make it your practice, once you try resentment and make it your habit, once you employ aggression and make it routine, those actions will dominate your destiny. No matter how painfully you’ve been wronged, stand in love in the midst of a huge temptation to be vengeful, prideful or hold back. The real nature of love is that the person you think has betrayed you the most is actually an agent of the divine offering you the opportunity for grace.  ~ Mary Manin Morrissey

From firsthand experience I can only concur with what Mary Manin Morrissey is saying.  I’ll guarantee that by feeding and watering these “seeds of pain” they’ll grow quickly and become a part of your daily life.  (If you’re an active alcoholic you can even get an extra helping of Hurt that will go along nicely with your always increasing irritability and discontent).  Fertilize with plenty of Drama and just see how soul-sick you can become.  Those “seeds” will develop into a very healthy, extremely strong and toxic vine and it will work slowly on strangling its host, Your Spirit.  With a warped perspective, bad choices are made on a daily basis and you dig in deeper.  The people, places and things that are causing your discomfort aren’t going to go away unless you let them go; sent away with love, no conditions attached.

There is a paragraph in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that reads “If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don’t really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don’t mean it, go ahead and do it  anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love.”   This seemed easy enough to me and I liked the part about even if you don’t want if for them or mean it,  because I didn’t.   I knew I had to start somewhere so I started out praying “GOD, bless the son of a bitch”.   Every day I prayed and slowly it changed.  After a couple of weeks my prayer had progressed and came to me in love.  It was softer, gentler and forgiving.   I realized I truly meant what I was saying; that it felt good.  I’d had a change.  I was freed from that resentment and allowed the 180 degree turn from darkness to light.   By the grace of GOD I was given a new outlook on the situation, realizing how much easier it is to approach a problem in love.

I haven’t by any means gotten this down to an exact science but I’m getting better at it.  There are days when I repeat the words “tranquility and serenity” over and over in my mind to keep these feelings away.  I’ve also prayed for many other “sons and daughters of bitches” since that day and I may have to pray it again.  Who know where my mind will try to take me if I get on the bus with it again.   I have to keep focused on the good and stay off the bad.  All  is well even when the boat starts to rock if I pause and think before I react.

Today I am aware of my connection to the Universe and I am more at peace with myself and others.  I’ll gladly take that over living in my mind while attaching negative emotions to negative thoughts, in turn creating inner turmoil and drama.  Life has taken a great turn and GOD continues to bless me beyond my wildest dreams.

photo:  http://www.csindy.com

Attitude is Everything

change-your-attitude

I believe the single most significant decision I can make on a day-to-day basis is my choice of attitude. It is more important than my past, my education, my bankroll, my successes or failures, fame or pain, what other people think of me or say about me, my circumstances, or my position. Attitude is that “single string” that keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there’s no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me.  ~ Charles R. Swindoll

My attitude is healthy most of the time.  When it’s not well it kills my spirit and my progress.  It’s a guarantee that I’ll turn into a screaming banshee when my attitude is on the rocks.   I can become cocky, defensive, angry, fearful, a know-it-all, disagreeable, impolite, dissatisfied, surly or sullen.  I can play the passive aggressive game, the hard hearted game or rant and rave.  There are dozens of ways I can manifest that Bad Attitude and itwill always cripple me until I get a grip on it and change direction.

One thing I’ve learned is when I am not in good spiritual condition I tend to get a case of Bad Attitude.  It may not happen right away but it will crop up sooner than later.  This usually starts when I’m Too Busy to spend a few minutes with my GOD in morning meditation, prayer or reflection.  After a few days of Too Busy I will neglect my quiet time for a while longer; usually just long enough to get into a lovely upheaval of emotional pain.   I may start blaming other people or other things for my imbalance.  The mayhem I’ve created can only be cured by affirmative action on my part and only I have the power to choose when this cure starts.  Since I can recognize, as well as feel, the lousy position I’ve put myself in I am able to make the choice to change, start doing what I MUST and be back on track as quickly as possible.  If I have a bad case of Self Will (another topic for a post) it might take a little longer but I’ll get there.  When I’ve harmed someone with my unhealthy behavior then my actions need to be addressed and apologies are in order.   If I’ve only beat myself up I find it worthwhile to make those amends to me.

When I stand in love, have faith in the process and know that all is exactly the way it should be at this moment, as well as keeping a conscious contact with my GOD I am able to live in a Good Attitude.  Everything is calmer and I become comfortable with life again.  Time is so precious and life is so short that it’s a shame to waste any of it cultivating a Bad Attitude.   If you’re struggling with your attitude I humbly suggest you look for the moves you need to take to turn it around.  It’s so much easier to live, to just be, with a Good Attitude anda softer heart.

Never Give Up

When you get in a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.  – Harriet Beecher Stowe

How many times have you been in that tight place, ready to throw in the towel and quit ?  I know I’ve been there more than once but I’ve learned that although it is darkest before dawn the sun will  rise.

I had always put Myself in those “tight places”.  No one else did.  I could play the blame game and be the victim.  “He/She/You MADE me do it.  It’s all YOUR fault.  Poor me.  Look at the mess I’m in”.  My part in it wouldn’t come up because I was in such great denial.   “How dare you suggest I had any part in the predicament!”

I have spent a lot of time looking at how I reacted when I was in those situations.   I was angry, resentful and fearful.  My escapes turned into insanity.  My insanity created chaos which in turn would cause other situations to arise and the game continued, got worse. I liked to play with fire and finally fell into a Hell of my own making.   Fortunately, I finally experienced and embraced a “moment of clarity”.   GOD showed me the stairway and I became to climb out.

I know today that Nobody can make me do anything if I’m uncomfortable with it.  I don’t have to surrender to any kind of pressure.  I can say NO.  Being happy, joyous and free means more to me than anything else in this world.

Affirming My Thoughts

Affirmations are really anything that we say or think. Our thoughts create our feelings, beliefs, and experiences. Too often they are negative. We say, “I don’t want this in my life” or “I don’t want to be sick anymore” or “I hate my job”. If we want to change or manifest something in our lives, we must state what we do want.  We must affirm that we are willing to see ourselves or our lives in a different perspective. Thus, we can change our experiences by first changing our thoughts.   ~ Louise Hay

If like attracts like then Negativity attracts itself.  I know it can breed with amazing speed, just like The Flu.  It can create a very Sick Puppy.  But unlike The Flu the person with the downtrodden, negative or bummer attitude usually doesn’t even know it’s there.  It is so ingrained in their thought patterns it seems “natural” to them.

I’m sure you know someone like this.  There’s the person I don’t want to run into when I’m in a hurry because my casual, “Hi!  How are you?” usually elicits a reply that I’m 99% sure is going to be a (long) story about A Bummer.   Or, there’s the guy who has had the Same Problems, Different Day for way too long.  He’s still beating his head against the wall;  hasn’t done a thing about changing his ways and has no idea why his life sucks.  I know women and men who have been in dysfunctional and co-dependent relationships forever who constantly complain about their  situations but can’t bring themselves to leave.  Their heads can’t wrap around the fact that they could be happier if they would just stop controlling, being controlled or both  (Just Say NO!  No More! ).   These are just a few examples but these are behaviors I’m familiar with.

Affirmations are an effective way for me to keep Negativity at bay.  When I came out of my “Coma” I started to listen and learn.  I realized there was more to life than being on The Pity Pot and Hitting My Head Against the Wall While Trying to Orchestrate it All.   I learned that words are powerful and using negatives such as No, Not, Don’t, Can’t and Won’t (to name just a few)only hindered my progress.    By using a positive approach with affirmative words and actions I am able to process my thoughts and feelings and turn “it” around which, in turn, prevents The Flu . I don’t want to spread any Germs.   I’m not perfect but I’m making progress.  I’m happy, healthy and whole today.   For this I am truly grateful.

Happiness is a Decision

“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

That old maxim, quoted above, was in an email I received this morning.  I was surprised because I woke up thinking about the sections of my life.  Mine is sliced into so many.   Several of what I’d call major parts I’d like to explore more since I think they hold a key to my evolution while I’m on this planet.  I keep putting this on the back burner.  My daughter… little Spunky… gave me some words of wisdom once.  “Mom”, she said, “It’s okay to look at the past; just don’t stare too hard.”  I’ve held these words very close as I still can buy into some of the “fruits of my stares” and then allow them to room in my head (AGAIN).    They are getting easier to distinguish and dismiss as Lies I Tell to Myself.    Lies I Tell to Myself are just that; negative, useless, senseless, baseless lies all about me to me so me can beat me up, again.  I recognize that.  It used to come in the guise of lack of self esteem.  These days it only tries to sneak in when I’m not paying attention.

In 2003 my life took a(nother) turn.   A death re-birthed me although through my blur I didn’t really realize it right away.  I felt nothing but forms of guilt, fear and anger.  I wallowed in my pain.  Major depression settled on me.  Happiness was not found in my vocabulary, much less my life.  When I finally hit the rock hard bottom and there was nothing left to do but climb up or die I decided to live.  I decided to climb.  I decided… making those decisions one little step at a time; making my mind up to be happy and as free from negative influences as possible.  Happiness is not one of those Lies I Tell to Myself.   Happiness feels good and the (recovering) addict/alcoholic me wants to feel that high.  I am not dead.  I am sober and I am happy.    

Happy Trails !!

Trust Your Intuition

Photo: http://katenasser.com/new-leaders-develop-your-intuition/

I feel there are two people inside me – me and my intuition. If I go against her, she’ll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely.”   ~ Kim Basinger

 When I’ve failed to listen to that “little voice” or the “feeling” that emanates from my na`au (solar plexus)  I can say with certainty that I should have.  “She screwed me every time.”

My ability to make the right decision and do the next right thing is progressing.  My intuition with people has developed  from Life Experiences on so many different levels over the years.  These Experiences also include making wrong choices…  often making those same choices over and over again just trying to get a different result.  That “little voice” would scream NO NO NO NOT AGAIN!  But my will always took place over that voice.  My EGO (Easing God Out) was standing in my own way; blocking my path and the Sunlight of The Spirit.

When things starting clearing up and coming into focus for me I started to really hear that voice and began to listen to it.  Life began to change slowly and with resolution.   Doing the right thing for me is my reality today.  I don’t do the same things over and over again expecting different results.  I found out that’s insanity.

My intuition can tell me when to say yes and when to say no; when to go and when to stay; to think before I speak even if it means biting a hole in my lower lip and to compromise instead of having to have it my way only.  Using my intuition has saved me a lot of grief.  I have opened doors that are beyond my wildest dreams because I just knew to open them.  Other doors have shut.  I haven’t tried to unlock them because I just know they’re shut for good, and that’s okay.  Situations arise where something will be presented to me and I ‘ll need to respondIf it’s someone else’s drama or problem, of their own creation or not,  my sense of knowing how to respond has sharpened.  If it’s my problem I will own it and can usually instinctively handle it without drama or added problems.  I still don’t always respond “properly” but hey, nobody’s perfect.  I’m just striving for progress here and it’s all part of the journey.  Trusting my intuition has increased my potential for living Life to it’s fullest.

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