Breakthrough

This has been a summer of change.  14 states and 6,000 miles on the odometer. We skirted the cities and bypassed the interstates,  spending our time in nature and staying in beautiful locations.  It’s been amazing and I so feel blessed that I could take it all in while also having time and space to be quiet and contemplate.  This has been (and continues to be) a time full of powerful transits and I’ve been powerfully affected by them.  A few have kicked my okole but hey! I’m still standing here in one piece.  I didn’t succumb to the darkness and I haven’t ignored them.  Being willing to listen and then really listening has made me realize that I am becoming more authentic.  I know that loving and accepting all of me has made me more open, loving and accepting of all of you. A meaningful breakthrough has gifted me with some clarity, given me some direction, has allowed forgiveness to further expedite healing of old wounds…. yes !!! and has opened my mind and my heart to another dimension that I am just beginning to experience.  I am breaking into new territory; a place in which the old rules don’t work anymore.  I’m a little scared.  I’ll admit it.  But I am going to continue to follow my na’au, be as centered as I can and to remember to be kind. We’re all on this earth for a purpose.  I’m being led and paying attention to the signs is keeping me on track.

I’ve journaled to record feelings, thoughts, dreams and events.  My camera has been at hand and I’ve taken some great shots.   But what I was really pushed to do was meditate with music and draw.  The images just started coming out and I haven’t been able to stop.  I am able to be in the present without any mind chatter and I come into a wonderful bliss-like state.  Each piece expresses what I am feeling during the period of time I work on it.  While I draw my mind is clear, silent and open to the messages I receive.

I did this particular drawing between July 7 and July 10 at Gros Ventre National Park near Jackson Hole, WY.  The Grand Water Trine was forming (a link to the chart is at the bottom of this page).  On July 7 Saturn was stationed direct.  July 8 was New Moon in Cancer and July 9 saw the Sun and Mercury meet in an inferior conjunction.  I finished on July 10 when Jupiter was in exact trine to my natal Chiron while Saturn was conjunct and Neptune trine it.  There have been many factors at work this summer but the forementioned and these transits (below… with my natal Chiron involved) stood out to me as representative of this point in time.

Transiting Jupiter in strong trine (exact) with natal Chiron

Jul 1, 2013 to Jul 19, 2013, exact Jul 10, 2013.

The planetary energies flow smoothly; the connection is easy and beneficial.

Your religious philosophy and broad intellectual framework are subject to a certain amount of re-examination. Painful experiences in these areas could lead you to a new outlook on life. Also at this time, you may feel a revitalization of the healing awareness within yourself, possibly in connection to the process of work done in connecting to old wounds, received in earlier developmental stages. When we reconnect with repressed and potentially painful feelings that have been buried away in the depths of our psyche we inhabit these rejected parts of ourselves and become more whole. At this time too, you may connect with a higher purpose in the work that you do, especially if this work involves helping people to heal in some way, and to grow in their own understanding of who they really are. You may take up the study of new-age healing techniques during this period, or in other ways inhabit the vision of wholeness and freedom from old pain that you feel emanates from the intuitive clarity provided by your higher self.

Transiting Saturn in strong conjunction with natal Chiron

This transit is strongest (within 2 degrees)

Jun 13, 2013 to Jul 31, 2013.

The strongest blend of the energies represented by these two planets.

Your psyche is subject to a stressful and potentially vitalizing time, as the very structure of your life is subject to painful realizations, leading to great changes in your self-concept. At this time also, difficulties with authority figures may emerge, or your relationship with your father may challenging, or the way you live your life in relation to the structure of society itself may be coming to a point where changes that have been in the works for some time are ready to burst forth into your conscious awareness. There may be old wounds with your father, or with the parental care and discipline you received in early childhood, that re-emerge at this time, hopefully for purposes of healing these issues and the potentially debilitating effects that they may have on your life. At this time also, the self-concept that you have had up to now may be changing, leading to a renewed sense of your own healing potential. Through a slow concentrated effort you may begin to connect with a higher purpose in the work that you do at this time, especially if this work involves helping people to heal in some way, and to grow in their own understanding of who they really are.

Transiting Neptune in strong trine with natal Chiron

from Jun 25, 2013 to Mar 1, 2014, exact Sep 20, 2013 R, Jan 2, 2014

The planetary energies flow smoothly; the connection is easy and beneficial.

This can be a time of great change and positive results for you. What is affected that part of yourself that is a dissolver of old structures, for the purpose of making way for some hitherto unseen aspect of yourself to emerge, and you are likely to undergo a transformation of your spiritual values at this time. You may experience a degree of tension between an old and outmoded way of being and a new vision of what could be possible. The shadow side is disappointment with yourself, for not being further along on the path you envision, and there could be confusion about what you truly want at this time. But the joy of this spiritual journey of discovery comes from making peace with yourself and beginning to fulfill your dreams. The gap between the ideal and the merely real, although wide, could become much closer for you at this time. Something new, deep inside you, is coming into birth, and you are learning how to hang out with the uncertainty of it all. The world as it presents itself to you during this period is not so pat and simple as it seemed. There are angels in the woodwork calling out for you to listen with your inner senses. You are dreaming a new realization into being for yourself, ultimately a new world, since the world is really what we are dreaming into being with each new moment. If you dream wisely at this time, you can make a difference, for yourself, and for others around you as well.

Sunrise Chart for Jackson Hole, WY July 7, 2013

JacksonHole7-7-13

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The Edge

(Chiron Trine Natal Chiron*)

I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over.  Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can’t see from the center. ~ Kurt Vonnegut

 http://saturn.jpl.nasa.gov/multimedia/images/saturn/images/IMG002314.jpg

I wish I could come up with a brilliant quote like this one.  It rings true to me and aptly explains how I feel.  I’m able to imagine how it would be to stand on the edge of one of Saturn’s rings and absorb the wonders of The Universe.  Although I can only envision the sights I would take in I’m just grateful I have my imagination and a link to the NASA website.

I’m at a point in my life where I want to go to the edge.  My mind is open and my curiosity strong.  I spent too many years in the center; playing it safe, being a chameleon, giving lip service and being controlled by one person or another. Having had guilt very frequently served to me on a silver platter I paid for it dearly in dis-ease.  Now I’m continuing my education in this University of Life.  I get to choose my courses and I am truly happy, enjoying this time in my life.

When I talk about going to the edge I’m not referring to out of control as in ” OMG she went over the edge this time”.  I’m talking getting to my edge, my “jumping off” place.  It’s about walking past old fears and old habits, which means being open to new ideas, different thoughts, spiritual growth, psychic impressions, people of like mind, insights and listening to my dreams, to name a few.  It means I can have my own GOD/Saviour, with whom I am at ease, and know that Love is always with me, that GOD is always in me.  I want to learn much more about things that resonate to and with me. Going to the edge  also means I can be myself, speak my truths; have my own opinions without fearing reproach and it means I can stay in my pajamas until 2:00 without any guilt.  In turn, it lets other people live their lives without my judgement upon them, their beliefs and opinions.  We all need to make our own mistakes.

My view is much clearer view since I started this journey.  I am becoming my authentic self  while I quietly mature.  Better late than never.  I realize I am holding much more  tolerance , understanding and compassion,  as well as holding my tongue.  Nothing much surprises me anymore.  I like getting to my edge, jumping off and finding there’s something even better waiting for me, purer and more refined, when I land.

*Transiting Chiron in trine with natal Chiron ~ The planetary energies flow smoothly; the connection is easy and beneficial. 

You are likely to be going through a period of transition. You are in the process of getting in touch with yourself, and this can be extremely rewarding as well as a necessary part of your evolution. This could be a time when strange events force upon you an intimation of other worlds, a broader perspective than that of ordinary reality, perhaps a taste of the transpersonal world of shamanism and magic. It also may be a time for re-examination of some painful issues that could be part of your make-up and possibly have been holding you back until now. Usually some issues from early childhood that were too painful to deal with in their era, and that have become repressed and remain lodged in your unconscious, come up during this period of time, perhaps brought on by recent events. Long repressed feelings may be difficult and painful to deal with, but there is a rich reward for getting in touch with these walled-off areas in order to become more whole. You can achieve a much greater degree of self-acceptance and ease once you have made the dark journey of discovery to find what lies within that space. (TimePassages www.astrograph.com)

Transforming With Mercury Square Chiron ~ Time Heals

Our past is neither an accident nor a mistake. We have been where we needed to be, with the necessary people. We can embrace our history, with its pain, its imperfections, its mistakes, even its tragedies. It is uniquely ours; it was intended just for us. Today, we are right where we need to be. Our present circumstances are exactly as they need to be,  for now. ~ Melody Beattie

Transiting Mercury in Square with Natal Chiron

For this brief period of time, you will become more conscious of the energy for personal transformation and healing in your life. This will likely mean exposing some form of deep-seated pain for the purpose of working through old issues and ultimately healing these issues. During this brief period of time, you may be blessed to provide the impetus for healing to others. You may also feel healing energy come into your life from a meeting with another person during the course of this transit. It may also be that communication with other people brings to light certain areas of your psyche that you would rather not have exposed, and that can be quite painful for you to connect with. But getting in touch with these areas is for your ultimate benefit, for the more integration you can achieve within your psyche, the more whole you are and the more you can bring yourself forward to be of help to other people on the same journey of discovery.

My daughter said “Mom, it’s okay to look at the past.  Just don’t stare too hard”.   I consider this good advice.  Staring tends to made me maudlin and depressed so no, I  haven’t been staring,  I’ve just been reflecting on where I am today while realizing that I’m actually happy with myself and others.

Way back when, in Time Passed, I made mistakes I should have learned from.  Except I didn’t.  I continued to exercise the same behavior over and over again.  I thought I could change outcomes because I was different, special or whatever.   If I’d been wiser and given more thought to what I was doing I might have avoided the pain that continued to compound.   I was, however,  incapable of rational thought as dependence fed the addiction that pushed me to practice insanity.  I didn’t have to practice too hard, either.  It quickly became rather natural; sometimes with its own language and invisible friends included at no extra charge.  When I look at where I started, where I went and how great my life is today I’m grateful that Passed is gone and that the gap between then and now is getting wider each day.

NOW, I understand, that Time Passed continually makes me Me.  I am the sum of my experiences, in constant motion with change and growth.  There have been so many good times;  happy times I remember with warm thoughts, smiles and joyful tears as well as those sad days, those periods of pain, fear, anger and drama.  Those times can’t be changed but as long as I can accept every bit of it, good and bad, for what it is/was and know I’m okay, it’s fine.  I also know it could have been worse.  I could be dead.

My Life Time NOW is filled with healing and love, friends that stayed true and new ones, too.  I have my health and my happiness is free.  My circle is widening and includes such a wide array of people, many of whom I could have never guessed would have blessed me with their presence in my life.  A whole new world has opened up to me.  There is so much in NOW.  My children and grandchildren have blessed my life more than I could ever have thought or wished for.  I have a fantastic relationship with a mentally healthy person.  In the program we talk about “happy, joyous and free”.  I am happy, I’ve found joy and best of all I am free to choose my own reality.  Thank GOD.

Dancing Through Darkness ~ Chiron Square Natal Sun

“Healing is not forcing the sun to shine, but letting go of that which blocks the light.” S. Levine.

Chiron is dancing around in several areas of my chart at this moment in time.  He’s square my natal sun and fading now but he’s still potent enough.  I wrote a little about this transit (see the interpretation below) in February and here we are back on topic.  I’d like to ignore this but in all honestly I can’t, especially as it has been brought to my attention in a big way.  I’m changing and part of this change is dealing with those areas of my life that have caused me grief for as long as I can remember.  Situations that have gone on for years and years are being dealt with.  I’m looking at them and putting them to bed.  I’m confirming that I do have my own fish to fry.

As a child I was not encouraged to think or speak freely.  I learned to keep my thoughts to myself.  I became very self-conscious and walked on a lot of egg shells.  I learned to listen to their “messages” and to conform to the situation I was in.  My motto could have been “Don’t rock the boat and keep your guard up”.  Those messages helped form the fear base on which I perched for years.   It was easier to adapt to what “they” wanted me to be because although I wasn’t up to “their” expectations I could do a pretty good job faking it.  And I, being the good daughter, sister, wife who had it hammered into her said to myself “As long as I can juggle and keep “them” happy I guess this is how the game is played so I’ll go along and be what you want if it keeps you off my back”.  Well, not any more.   I juggled way too long and gambled on the game.  I should have called time out a million times.  I might have avoided some of those pitfalls.  The time has finally come, though.  The game is over and I’m ready for some real life, my way.  For the past few weeks I’ve been walking the cobblestones of my mind nightly, cleaning cobwebs and facing old phantoms.  It is an interesting journey full of surprises.  Per Van Morrison:  “Down those old ancient streets, Down those old ancient roads………….Till we get the healing done, Till we get the healing done”.

Astrology has been a wonderful tool for helping me put so much in perspective.  I sometimes think if only I’d given more attention to the stars earlier in life things might have been different.  My belief that everything happens in its own time comes into play here though because I do know GOD had different plans for me.  NOW is My Time and it’s up to me to get the work finished.  It’s exciting !

Transiting Chiron square natal Sun
During this period of time you are going through a potentially painful process of examining and re-aligning your self-concept, possibly as a result of old wounds coming up for you. Early childhood episodes that in some way were damaging to your self-concept may come back to haunt you. It may also be that fresh experiences bring these issues to the fore, issues which could be related to your father or another significant mentor figure from your past. These figures can be an important part of our ego structure as we go through life. The reason such painful issues are reemerging into consciousness is for the purpose of healing these issues, and finally moving beyond them. You may find when you have gone through this process that you feel yourself coming into a broader view of your existence. It may even be that some of your ego needs are no longer quite so acute as before. There is a way in which ego serves the soul’s evolution and a way in which it just seems to get lodged like a boulder in the path of progress. Changes that strip away some facets of your ego may be good for you in the long run and serve to strengthen your true inner self-confidence, as a more well-rounded view of your life as a whole is revealed to you.

My gratitude goes out to those friends who have stuck with me without judgment and who have helped me, pushing and pulling at times, on my move forward.  I love you all.

Mars Direct..Mars and Chiron..Marsy Me

Julie posted this today about Mars, the red planet; our Warrior planet http://juliedemboski.com/2012/04/13/your-weekend-13-15-april-2012-jolt-human-barometers-and-gravity-x2/ .  She says it’s a bit whiplash-y today and I agree.  He’s been retrograde since the end of January.  Now he’s turned direct again.  I am really feeling the need to move on; to move forward with direction.  Not that I’ve been aimless or clueless.   I’ve just come to another CHANGE in my life.  I’ve had an inner shift that is just starting to settle down.  It feels like I’ve been under water longing for that huge gulp of air I’ll receive when I break the surface.  I’m almost at the top.  I’ve mostly kept my cool under the heat of this warrior and the few temper temper’s I’ve had were cooled down quickly.  I’m learning.

I’m not out of the woods yet but I have a great heads up as my Wise Friend always tells me.  I have transiting Mars in strong sextile with natal Chiron from  Mar 28, 2012 to Apr 30, 2012, no exact.

For this brief period of time, you will become more conscious of the energy for personal transformation and healing in your life. This will likely mean exposing some form of deep-seated pain for the purpose of working through old issues and ultimately healing these issues. During this brief period of time, you may be blessed to provide the impetus for healing to others. You may also feel healing energy come into your life from a meeting with another person during the course of this transit. As another possible result of this transit, issues with ego may come up for you, or issues of self-acceptance versus feelings of rejection. Usually these types of events point to deeper issues which you may not have brought all the way up to your consciousness, but which remain as a source of irritation and frustration operating more or less unconsciously at a deep level of your psyche. These issues may be painful to connect with. But getting in touch with these areas is for your ultimate benefit, for the more integration you can achieve within your psyche, the more whole you are and the more you can bring yourself forward to be of help to other people on the same journey of discovery.

I like this idea of transformation and healing.  It just equals more growth.  It’s here and it’s happening and I don’t have to fight it or be afraid.  I’ve been feeling “deeper, older issues” for a while now.  I’m just having trouble pulling them up and out of the records.  There’s a big pile on top of those issues and I’m digging through the mess.  It’s a “who” not a “what” and there are vague images appearing.  They waver and then fade although each time they are a little tiny bit clearer.   At one point in my life a  little fear would surround this whole issue but I believe I’m beyond that now.  I’m anxious for that old 8mm reel  in my memory banks to start rolling.   Let it benefit this progression…