Surrender to Win

When we surrender to God, we surrender to something bigger than ourselves – to a universe that knows what it’s doing. When we stop trying to control events they fall into a natural order, an order that works. We’re at rest while a power much greater than our own takes over, and it does a much better job than we cold have done. We learn to trust that the power that holds galaxies together can handle the circumstance of our relatively little lives.  ~ Marianne Williamson

Reminder to Me:

When I start to look at the Big Picture and, once again, realize I am unable to even comprehend how Big the Picture really is,  I have to acknowledge the fact that my life and it’s circumstance are microscopic in comparison.  I have imposed my will inappropriately many times over many years and it has brought me nothing but trouble. I now know I have a better chance if I let GOD sort things out.  When my EGO  wants to run the show and I begin to think in terms of orchestration and control I am now able to recognize it sooner and, if I’m smart,  I immediately surrender to win.    

I let it go.  I give it away with Love and trust the outcome.

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I Believe in You

The Creator of the Universe, who has ordered the stars and the heavens and the earth, has a plan for your life. You are not a random act. You are not here by chance, but by design. You are destined for greatness that begins with your believing in your own destiny.
Mary Manin Morrissey

Allow Me To Accept ~ Balance Me With Love

G.O.D. ~
Allow me to accept
Other people’s families, fears
Delusions, denials and insecurities
As belonging to them.  Not me.

Let me recognize
How my thoughts and actions affect my relationships.
If they are healthy then please let me nurture them.
But if they’re toxic allow them immediate release.

Please balance me with Love
While I continue this journey
Forward, in health and wholeness.
Amen.

Enough To Need

This is what my E.G.O. needed to hear today; a confirmation to to be vigilant, to move along with Growth/Change and keep my thoughts of G.O.D positive and directed to the forefront.  It’s all about Love… of self and others.  I want to impact the lives of those around me for the better.  Revelations keep coming.  Right now they seem to be carrying quite a “jolt” as they try to settle in and can be a bit upsetting.  I’ve been consciously breathing and trying to keep my mind from taking control and distorting the facts.  I need to remember not to react adversely while sorting this all out.   If I begin to think I finally have Life under my control I’d make poor choices (again), act out in a passive-aggressive manner (again) and just generally upset the old apple cart (again). Then I am nothing more than a selfish, EGOtistical waste of my time and energy because I know better now.  There are no excuses.  The bottom line is I wouldn’t stop these Processes even if I could. They’re moving me closer to my destiny.

ENOUGH TO NEED

Dear GOD,
Never allow me to think that I have
Knowledge enough to need no teaching,
Wisdom enough to need no corrections,
Talents enough to need no grace,
Goodness enough to need no progress,
Humility enough to need no repentance,
Devotion enough to need no improvement,
Strength sufficient with Thy Spirit lest, standing still,
I fall back forevermore.

From the 12th Step Prayer Book, Prayer #26

 

A Positive Direction

Whatever route others take to reach their personal nirvana is okay with me as long as they don’t try to drag me off my path.  I’m to the point where I can’t fight the obvious and obvious to me is that I need to keep on in the direction that feels right.  Many times over the past fifty-plus years I’ve wandered off course only to struggle, sometimes tremendously, to get back on track. I’ve wasted many moments and I’d like to spend the rest of my time on this planet being happily me. I want to be peaceful, loving and kind.  Above all, though, I want to stay free of that demon in a bottle; the greatest waste of my life.

Recently I’ve been contemplating my path; where I’ve been, where I am and where I’m headed.  It’s such a good feeling to instinctively know I’m moving along in a positive direction.  It’s certainly not free of bumps, this path.  Sometimes it even feels like a corduroy road but not at all as often as it used to.  The ride recently has been pretty smooth but a breeze is starting to blow in, trying its best to stir up some clouds and put a few puddles on my path.  I don’t think it’s going to storm but I’m keeping my eye on the horizon.

Transiting Uranus trine natal Saturn ~ The planetary energies flow smoothly; the connection is easy and beneficial.
This is a stressful time of great internal pressure upon the existing structure of your daily life, as unusually vivid insights or perhaps unexpected events threaten security and your feeling of status quo. You can usually deal well with the challenges you experience at this time, which tend to be productive of new awareness, rather than dilemmas impossible to solve. It can be a time of tremendous creativity in fact, as you incorporate new ideas into your existing system of values and possibly shed some outworn limitations overly restricting your behavior.  

 

A Move Towards An Enduring Good

Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good. What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take “everyone on Earth” to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale.
Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Getting “Past” Gone

Dwell not on the past. Use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now in this instant of time. From this moment onwards you can be an entirely different person, filled with love and understanding, ready with an outstretched hand, uplifted and positive in every thought and deed.  ~  Eileen Caddy

I like to take a good look at my past on occasion in order to gauge how far I have progressed.  Staring or dwelling upon it for any reason other than gleaning it’s lessons does not work for me.  I do not need to fall into a “could have, would have, should have” condition.  That’s a short road to a long depression if I decide to go there.  As long as I do  the next right thing now and keep love and kindness close to my heart I continue to evolve.  Developing into who I am at this moment in time has been slow but steady.  My mind, as well as my horizon, has expanded, becoming open and accepting of almost everything put in my path.  Negativity, dark thoughts and unbecoming action are quietly being left in the dust of the past and I continue to move forward.  The rest of this life is stretched before me like a canvas; waiting for me to pick up my brush.  I hope to create my masterpiece.

More Growth, More Changes

Another wave of change has been occurring within me at an astonishing rate.  I realize that I am listening to a different drummer this time and that I shouldn’t ignore its presence. It’s not just Self speaking.  It resonates very clearly; asking me to listen and visualize and sort through all that emerges from the depths of my being. I’ve learned to follow the silent voice of inner awareness that urges me forward in the processes that are taking place in my life.   It has made itself present to me and I can’t, nor do I want, to ignore it.  I’m being pushed and pulled and molded into someone who is becoming more comfortable in her skin. I am comfortably uneasy with this process that sometimes makes me want to squirm and hide my head in the sand.  But unless I stop, listen and fully move through whatever is obstructing me I will remain stagnant.  Issues of control, issues of independence, some pain associated with old behaviors and my belief systems are being affected.  I am also driven to write and it feels good to let it out.  I want to be aware and watchful as well as honest and open-minded as I continue to peel the layers, process the information, learn the lessons and continue my journey of growth and change.

Transiting Chiron in Strong Sextile with Natal Mars:  The planetary energies flow together, open into new possibilities, new connections. Issues of outer-directed activity are emphasized for you at this time. There may be a degree of pain associated with realizations around the areas of how you assert yourself with other people and what exactly is your place in the world of activity and outward drive and ambition. You may feel that unconscious drives are more powerful than your overt conscious motivations at this time. You have a powerful urge to create during this period, and you need to get in touch with how to use this energy and what it is that you want to accomplish. You may experience frustration in trying to go your own route, independent of what consensus reality surrounding you may dictate. Old wounds in the area of self-assertion and how you make your way in the world may also come up at this time as you try to find your true path. It is only by going deep within yourself and trusting the intelligence of your own inner awareness that you can make a movement toward healing these issues and enter a new birth of understanding and trust in your own process.  (TimePassages)

Dancing Through Darkness ~ Chiron Square Natal Sun

“Healing is not forcing the sun to shine, but letting go of that which blocks the light.” S. Levine.

Chiron is dancing around in several areas of my chart at this moment in time.  He’s square my natal sun and fading now but he’s still potent enough.  I wrote a little about this transit (see the interpretation below) in February and here we are back on topic.  I’d like to ignore this but in all honestly I can’t, especially as it has been brought to my attention in a big way.  I’m changing and part of this change is dealing with those areas of my life that have caused me grief for as long as I can remember.  Situations that have gone on for years and years are being dealt with.  I’m looking at them and putting them to bed.  I’m confirming that I do have my own fish to fry.

As a child I was not encouraged to think or speak freely.  I learned to keep my thoughts to myself.  I became very self-conscious and walked on a lot of egg shells.  I learned to listen to their “messages” and to conform to the situation I was in.  My motto could have been “Don’t rock the boat and keep your guard up”.  Those messages helped form the fear base on which I perched for years.   It was easier to adapt to what “they” wanted me to be because although I wasn’t up to “their” expectations I could do a pretty good job faking it.  And I, being the good daughter, sister, wife who had it hammered into her said to myself “As long as I can juggle and keep “them” happy I guess this is how the game is played so I’ll go along and be what you want if it keeps you off my back”.  Well, not any more.   I juggled way too long and gambled on the game.  I should have called time out a million times.  I might have avoided some of those pitfalls.  The time has finally come, though.  The game is over and I’m ready for some real life, my way.  For the past few weeks I’ve been walking the cobblestones of my mind nightly, cleaning cobwebs and facing old phantoms.  It is an interesting journey full of surprises.  Per Van Morrison:  “Down those old ancient streets, Down those old ancient roads………….Till we get the healing done, Till we get the healing done”.

Astrology has been a wonderful tool for helping me put so much in perspective.  I sometimes think if only I’d given more attention to the stars earlier in life things might have been different.  My belief that everything happens in its own time comes into play here though because I do know GOD had different plans for me.  NOW is My Time and it’s up to me to get the work finished.  It’s exciting !

Transiting Chiron square natal Sun
During this period of time you are going through a potentially painful process of examining and re-aligning your self-concept, possibly as a result of old wounds coming up for you. Early childhood episodes that in some way were damaging to your self-concept may come back to haunt you. It may also be that fresh experiences bring these issues to the fore, issues which could be related to your father or another significant mentor figure from your past. These figures can be an important part of our ego structure as we go through life. The reason such painful issues are reemerging into consciousness is for the purpose of healing these issues, and finally moving beyond them. You may find when you have gone through this process that you feel yourself coming into a broader view of your existence. It may even be that some of your ego needs are no longer quite so acute as before. There is a way in which ego serves the soul’s evolution and a way in which it just seems to get lodged like a boulder in the path of progress. Changes that strip away some facets of your ego may be good for you in the long run and serve to strengthen your true inner self-confidence, as a more well-rounded view of your life as a whole is revealed to you.

My gratitude goes out to those friends who have stuck with me without judgment and who have helped me, pushing and pulling at times, on my move forward.  I love you all.

Mars Direct..Mars and Chiron..Marsy Me

Julie posted this today about Mars, the red planet; our Warrior planet http://juliedemboski.com/2012/04/13/your-weekend-13-15-april-2012-jolt-human-barometers-and-gravity-x2/ .  She says it’s a bit whiplash-y today and I agree.  He’s been retrograde since the end of January.  Now he’s turned direct again.  I am really feeling the need to move on; to move forward with direction.  Not that I’ve been aimless or clueless.   I’ve just come to another CHANGE in my life.  I’ve had an inner shift that is just starting to settle down.  It feels like I’ve been under water longing for that huge gulp of air I’ll receive when I break the surface.  I’m almost at the top.  I’ve mostly kept my cool under the heat of this warrior and the few temper temper’s I’ve had were cooled down quickly.  I’m learning.

I’m not out of the woods yet but I have a great heads up as my Wise Friend always tells me.  I have transiting Mars in strong sextile with natal Chiron from  Mar 28, 2012 to Apr 30, 2012, no exact.

For this brief period of time, you will become more conscious of the energy for personal transformation and healing in your life. This will likely mean exposing some form of deep-seated pain for the purpose of working through old issues and ultimately healing these issues. During this brief period of time, you may be blessed to provide the impetus for healing to others. You may also feel healing energy come into your life from a meeting with another person during the course of this transit. As another possible result of this transit, issues with ego may come up for you, or issues of self-acceptance versus feelings of rejection. Usually these types of events point to deeper issues which you may not have brought all the way up to your consciousness, but which remain as a source of irritation and frustration operating more or less unconsciously at a deep level of your psyche. These issues may be painful to connect with. But getting in touch with these areas is for your ultimate benefit, for the more integration you can achieve within your psyche, the more whole you are and the more you can bring yourself forward to be of help to other people on the same journey of discovery.

I like this idea of transformation and healing.  It just equals more growth.  It’s here and it’s happening and I don’t have to fight it or be afraid.  I’ve been feeling “deeper, older issues” for a while now.  I’m just having trouble pulling them up and out of the records.  There’s a big pile on top of those issues and I’m digging through the mess.  It’s a “who” not a “what” and there are vague images appearing.  They waver and then fade although each time they are a little tiny bit clearer.   At one point in my life a  little fear would surround this whole issue but I believe I’m beyond that now.  I’m anxious for that old 8mm reel  in my memory banks to start rolling.   Let it benefit this progression…