When we surrender to God, we surrender to something bigger than ourselves – to a universe that knows what it’s doing. When we stop trying to control events they fall into a natural order, an order that works. We’re at rest while a power much greater than our own takes over, and it does a much better job than we cold have done. We learn to trust that the power that holds galaxies together can handle the circumstance of our relatively little lives. ~ Marianne Williamson
Reminder to Me:
When I start to look at the Big Picture and, once again, realize I am unable to even comprehend how Big the Picture really is, I have to acknowledge the fact that my life and it’s circumstance are microscopic in comparison. I have imposed my will inappropriately many times over many years and it has brought me nothing but trouble. I now know I have a better chance if I let GOD sort things out. When my EGO wants to run the show and I begin to think in terms of orchestration and control I am now able to recognize it sooner and, if I’m smart, I immediately surrender to win.
I let it go. I give it away with Love and trust the outcome.
The Creator of the Universe, who has ordered the stars and the heavens and the earth, has a plan for your life. You are not a random act. You are not here by chance, but by design. You are destined for greatness that begins with your believing in your own destiny.
Mary Manin Morrissey
Allow me to accept
Other people’s families, fears
Delusions, denials and insecurities
As belonging to them. Not me.
Let me recognize
How my thoughts and actions affect my relationships.
If they are healthy then please let me nurture them.
But if they’re toxic allow them immediate release.
Please balance me with Love
While I continue this journey
Forward, in health and wholeness.
This is what my E.G.O. needed to hear today; a confirmation to to be vigilant, to move along with Growth/Change and keep my thoughts of G.O.D positive and directed to the forefront. It’s all about Love… of self and others. I want to impact the lives of those around me for the better. Revelations keep coming. Right now they seem to be carrying quite a “jolt” as they try to settle in and can be a bit upsetting. I’ve been consciously breathing and trying to keep my mind from taking control and distorting the facts. I need to remember not to react adversely while sorting this all out. If I begin to think I finally have Life under my control I’d make poor choices (again), act out in a passive-aggressive manner (again) and just generally upset the old apple cart (again). Then I am nothing more than a selfish, EGOtistical waste of my time and energy because I know better now. There are no excuses. The bottom line is I wouldn’t stop these Processes even if I could. They’re moving me closer to my destiny.
ENOUGH TO NEED
Never allow me to think that I have
Knowledge enough to need no teaching,
Wisdom enough to need no corrections,
Talents enough to need no grace,
Goodness enough to need no progress,
Humility enough to need no repentance,
Devotion enough to need no improvement,
Strength sufficient with Thy Spirit lest, standing still,
I fall back forevermore.
From the 12th Step Prayer Book, Prayer #26
I want to wish each and every one of you a fantastic New Year. I am really, really, really looking forward to what this year has to offer to each and every one of us in our Universe and to the unfolding of events in this time in space.
I’m on a good, pretty even keel. The holidays came and went without any drama, family trauma, co-dependence or guilt. It’s 2013 and we’re all still here, although the climate has changed. There has been a shift in awareness with information coming through much more freely and what I consider incoming doesn’t involve “DUCK FOR COVER !!!” This incoming is gentle and loving, opening my awareness and sharpening my senses. Old ways are dissolving while at the same time something so totally new emerges. It’s almost magical the way it is starting to softly cover the rough edges. My seeking, soul-searching and looking for signs of what’s coming next (i.e. “heads up”) continues with great interest on my part. I started to write about the experiences I had in my alcoholic, co-dependent and dysfunctional marriages. After 4 agonizing days and 2,000 words I put a halt to it. I dredged up memories and went backwards to where I don’t want to go right now. It’s said that time heals*, after all, and those particular past issues** have almost been dealt with. Almost is the key word here. I know I need to look again but found myself starting to stare. I will finish it but need to do so with all honesty so, for the moment, that story is on hold.
I’m “lightening my load” right now. It’s a process, this cleaning up and cleaning out. I used to spend a lot of time in thrift shops and at garage sales and made some money selling bits and pieces of vintage and antique items. Trouble is I kept stuff and it added to the stuff I already had accumulated. Then I acquired more stuff when my dad died and we cleaned 55 years out of his house. That’s a lot of “stuff”. It’s similar to what I’ve done in my life; just packing one experience, emotion or thought away and then stacking more on top without looking at what is underneath. Pretty soon it’s stacked so high I forget what’s down there. So anyway…. I came across a box of my old journals in the back of my closet. (Stacked under… of course.) They go back to the late 70’s. I randomly started reading something I’d written in 2004 and finally had to stop just to digest the whole experience. At that time I was starting to question certain aspects and beliefs in my life. To have this reference point and to be able to see where I am now is really rather amazing. Thank GOD for faith. That’s what got me here. My emotional load has balanced out along the way as I’ve dumped old views, thoughts and feelings. I’ve learned to know that when The Committee goes into session it’s time to sit, breathe, center and focus on being still. I’m being attentive and going with each new realization and revelation I receive. I know deep down that it wouldn’t be wise to ignore them. I’ve spent years not listening to what I knew was right. NOW is my time. Being propelled towards a New Me is one of the most exciting things I have ever experienced.
* Transitting Mercury Square Chiron , **Chiron Square Natal Sun
“Healing is not forcing the sun to shine, but letting go of that which blocks the light.” S. Levine.
Chiron is dancing around in several areas of my chart at this moment in time. He’s square my natal sun and fading now but he’s still potent enough. I wrote a little about this transit (see the interpretation below) in February and here we are back on topic. I’d like to ignore this but in all honestly I can’t, especially as it has been brought to my attention in a big way. I’m changing and part of this change is dealing with those areas of my life that have caused me grief for as long as I can remember. Situations that have gone on for years and years are being dealt with. I’m looking at them and putting them to bed. I’m confirming that I do have my own fish to fry.
As a child I was not encouraged to think or speak freely. I learned to keep my thoughts to myself. I became very self-conscious and walked on a lot of egg shells. I learned to listen to their “messages” and to conform to the situation I was in. My motto could have been “Don’t rock the boat and keep your guard up”. Those messages helped form the fear base on which I perched for years. It was easier to adapt to what “they” wanted me to be because although I wasn’t up to “their” expectations I could do a pretty good job faking it. And I, being the good daughter, sister, wife who had it hammered into her said to myself “As long as I can juggle and keep “them” happy I guess this is how the game is played so I’ll go along and be what you want if it keeps you off my back”. Well, not any more. I juggled way too long and gambled on the game. I should have called time out a million times. I might have avoided some of those pitfalls. The time has finally come, though. The game is over and I’m ready for some real life, my way. For the past few weeks I’ve been walking the cobblestones of my mind nightly, cleaning cobwebs and facing old phantoms. It is an interesting journey full of surprises. Per Van Morrison: “Down those old ancient streets, Down those old ancient roads………….Till we get the healing done, Till we get the healing done”.
Astrology has been a wonderful tool for helping me put so much in perspective. I sometimes think if only I’d given more attention to the stars earlier in life things might have been different. My belief that everything happens in its own time comes into play here though because I do know GOD had different plans for me. NOW is My Time and it’s up to me to get the work finished. It’s exciting !
Transiting Chiron square natal Sun
During this period of time you are going through a potentially painful process of examining and re-aligning your self-concept, possibly as a result of old wounds coming up for you. Early childhood episodes that in some way were damaging to your self-concept may come back to haunt you. It may also be that fresh experiences bring these issues to the fore, issues which could be related to your father or another significant mentor figure from your past. These figures can be an important part of our ego structure as we go through life. The reason such painful issues are reemerging into consciousness is for the purpose of healing these issues, and finally moving beyond them. You may find when you have gone through this process that you feel yourself coming into a broader view of your existence. It may even be that some of your ego needs are no longer quite so acute as before. There is a way in which ego serves the soul’s evolution and a way in which it just seems to get lodged like a boulder in the path of progress. Changes that strip away some facets of your ego may be good for you in the long run and serve to strengthen your true inner self-confidence, as a more well-rounded view of your life as a whole is revealed to you.
My gratitude goes out to those friends who have stuck with me without judgment and who have helped me, pushing and pulling at times, on my move forward. I love you all.