Beginning to Unfold

I want to wish each and every one of you a fantastic New Year.  I  am really, really, really looking forward to what this year has to offer to each and every one of us in our Universe and to the unfolding of events in this time in space.

I’m on a good, pretty even keel.  The holidays came and went without any drama, family trauma, co-dependence or guilt.  It’s 2013 and we’re all still here, although the climate has changed.  There has been a shift in awareness with information coming through much more freely and what I consider incoming doesn’t involve “DUCK FOR COVER !!!”  This incoming is gentle and loving, opening my awareness and sharpening my senses.  Old ways are dissolving while at the same time something so totally new emerges.  It’s almost magical the way it is starting to softly cover the rough edges.  My seeking, soul-searching and looking for signs of what’s coming next (i.e. “heads up”) continues with great interest on my part.  I started to write about the experiences I had in my alcoholic, co-dependent and dysfunctional marriages.  After 4 agonizing days and 2,000 words I put a halt to it.  I dredged up memories and went backwards to where I don’t want to go right now.  It’s said that time heals*, after all, and those particular past issues** have almost been dealt with.  Almost is the key word here.  I know I need to look again but found myself starting to stare.  I will finish it but need to do so with all honesty so, for the moment, that story is on hold.

I’m “lightening my load” right now.  It’s a process, this cleaning up and cleaning out.  I used to spend a lot of time in thrift shops and at garage sales and made some money selling bits and pieces of vintage and antique items.  Trouble is I kept stuff and it added to the stuff I already had accumulated.  Then I acquired more stuff when my dad died and we cleaned 55 years out of his house.  That’s a lot of “stuff”.  It’s similar to what I’ve done in my life; just packing one experience, emotion or thought away and then stacking more on top without looking at what is underneath.  Pretty soon it’s stacked so high I forget what’s down there.  So anyway….  I came across a box of my old journals in the back of my closet.  (Stacked under…  of course.)  They go back to the late 70’s.  I randomly started reading something I’d written in 2004 and finally had to stop just to digest the whole experience.  At that time I was starting to question certain aspects and beliefs in my life.  To have this reference point and to be able to see where I am now is really rather amazing.  Thank GOD for faith.  That’s what got me here.  My emotional load has balanced out along the way as I’ve dumped old views, thoughts and feelings.  I’ve learned to know that when The Committee goes into session it’s time to sit, breathe, center and focus on being still.  I’m being attentive and going with each new realization and revelation I receive.  I know deep down that it wouldn’t  be wise to ignore them.  I’ve spent years not listening to what I knew was right.  NOW is my time.  Being propelled towards a New Me is one of the most exciting things I have ever experienced.

* Transitting Mercury Square Chiron ,  **Chiron Square Natal Sun

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Transforming With Mercury Square Chiron ~ Time Heals

Our past is neither an accident nor a mistake. We have been where we needed to be, with the necessary people. We can embrace our history, with its pain, its imperfections, its mistakes, even its tragedies. It is uniquely ours; it was intended just for us. Today, we are right where we need to be. Our present circumstances are exactly as they need to be,  for now. ~ Melody Beattie

Transiting Mercury in Square with Natal Chiron

For this brief period of time, you will become more conscious of the energy for personal transformation and healing in your life. This will likely mean exposing some form of deep-seated pain for the purpose of working through old issues and ultimately healing these issues. During this brief period of time, you may be blessed to provide the impetus for healing to others. You may also feel healing energy come into your life from a meeting with another person during the course of this transit. It may also be that communication with other people brings to light certain areas of your psyche that you would rather not have exposed, and that can be quite painful for you to connect with. But getting in touch with these areas is for your ultimate benefit, for the more integration you can achieve within your psyche, the more whole you are and the more you can bring yourself forward to be of help to other people on the same journey of discovery.

My daughter said “Mom, it’s okay to look at the past.  Just don’t stare too hard”.   I consider this good advice.  Staring tends to made me maudlin and depressed so no, I  haven’t been staring,  I’ve just been reflecting on where I am today while realizing that I’m actually happy with myself and others.

Way back when, in Time Passed, I made mistakes I should have learned from.  Except I didn’t.  I continued to exercise the same behavior over and over again.  I thought I could change outcomes because I was different, special or whatever.   If I’d been wiser and given more thought to what I was doing I might have avoided the pain that continued to compound.   I was, however,  incapable of rational thought as dependence fed the addiction that pushed me to practice insanity.  I didn’t have to practice too hard, either.  It quickly became rather natural; sometimes with its own language and invisible friends included at no extra charge.  When I look at where I started, where I went and how great my life is today I’m grateful that Passed is gone and that the gap between then and now is getting wider each day.

NOW, I understand, that Time Passed continually makes me Me.  I am the sum of my experiences, in constant motion with change and growth.  There have been so many good times;  happy times I remember with warm thoughts, smiles and joyful tears as well as those sad days, those periods of pain, fear, anger and drama.  Those times can’t be changed but as long as I can accept every bit of it, good and bad, for what it is/was and know I’m okay, it’s fine.  I also know it could have been worse.  I could be dead.

My Life Time NOW is filled with healing and love, friends that stayed true and new ones, too.  I have my health and my happiness is free.  My circle is widening and includes such a wide array of people, many of whom I could have never guessed would have blessed me with their presence in my life.  A whole new world has opened up to me.  There is so much in NOW.  My children and grandchildren have blessed my life more than I could ever have thought or wished for.  I have a fantastic relationship with a mentally healthy person.  In the program we talk about “happy, joyous and free”.  I am happy, I’ve found joy and best of all I am free to choose my own reality.  Thank GOD.