A place for my thoughts

“Healing is not forcing the sun to shine, but letting go of that which blocks the light.” S. Levine.

Chiron is dancing around in several areas of my chart at this moment in time.  He’s square my natal sun and fading now but he’s still potent enough.  I wrote a little about this transit (see the interpretation below) in February and here we are back on topic.  I’d like to ignore this but in all honestly I can’t, especially as it has been brought to my attention in a big way.  I’m changing and part of this change is dealing with those areas of my life that have caused me grief for as long as I can remember.  Situations that have gone on for years and years are being dealt with.  I’m looking at them and putting them to bed.  I’m confirming that I do have my own fish to fry.

As a child I was not encouraged to think or speak freely.  I learned to keep my thoughts to myself.  I became very self-conscious and walked on a lot of egg shells.  I learned to listen to their “messages” and to conform to the situation I was in.  My motto could have been “Don’t rock the boat and keep your guard up”.  Those messages helped form the fear base on which I perched for years.   It was easier to adapt to what “they” wanted me to be because although I wasn’t up to “their” expectations I could do a pretty good job faking it.  And I, being the good daughter, sister, wife who had it hammered into her said to myself “As long as I can juggle and keep “them” happy I guess this is how the game is played so I’ll go along and be what you want if it keeps you off my back”.  Well, not any more.   I juggled way too long and gambled on the game.  I should have called time out a million times.  I might have avoided some of those pitfalls.  The time has finally come, though.  The game is over and I’m ready for some real life, my way.  For the past few weeks I’ve been walking the cobblestones of my mind nightly, cleaning cobwebs and facing old phantoms.  It is an interesting journey full of surprises.  Per Van Morrison:  “Down those old ancient streets, Down those old ancient roads………….Till we get the healing done, Till we get the healing done”.

Astrology has been a wonderful tool for helping me put so much in perspective.  I sometimes think if only I’d given more attention to the stars earlier in life things might have been different.  My belief that everything happens in its own time comes into play here though because I do know GOD had different plans for me.  NOW is My Time and it’s up to me to get the work finished.  It’s exciting !

Transiting Chiron square natal Sun
During this period of time you are going through a potentially painful process of examining and re-aligning your self-concept, possibly as a result of old wounds coming up for you. Early childhood episodes that in some way were damaging to your self-concept may come back to haunt you. It may also be that fresh experiences bring these issues to the fore, issues which could be related to your father or another significant mentor figure from your past. These figures can be an important part of our ego structure as we go through life. The reason such painful issues are reemerging into consciousness is for the purpose of healing these issues, and finally moving beyond them. You may find when you have gone through this process that you feel yourself coming into a broader view of your existence. It may even be that some of your ego needs are no longer quite so acute as before. There is a way in which ego serves the soul’s evolution and a way in which it just seems to get lodged like a boulder in the path of progress. Changes that strip away some facets of your ego may be good for you in the long run and serve to strengthen your true inner self-confidence, as a more well-rounded view of your life as a whole is revealed to you.

My gratitude goes out to those friends who have stuck with me without judgment and who have helped me, pushing and pulling at times, on my move forward.  I love you all.


Comments on: "Dancing Through Darkness ~ Chiron Square Natal Sun" (6)

  1. Not sure whether you are still going through this, but you have perfectly describes my own current journey. I too have T Chiron squaring my Sun and my Mercury. I also have T Pluto square my natal Chiron AND my Uranus opposition at the same time. And boy is there a sh@tstorm! Old hidden memories have suddenly been remembered that pertain to emotional and physical abuse, and in my desire for transparency, my parents have fought back, stripping me of any self assurance. It has been tough having them confirm all abuse and punishment was all my own fault because I was born so wrong….. of course this is all BS – so in the face of stubborn unrelenting parents who are unprepared to consider their own behaviour, I feel the only sane thing to do is to stay away and start afresh. A deeply disturbing set of events – definitely watershed! And a good clearing of epic proportions. I know I will come out of this so much clearer and a much better person for recognising and forming healthy boundaries and not accepting scapegoating, blacksheeping etc…….

    Thanks for writing about this powerful time so eloquently. I chickened out, so really appreciate you. Hope it all clears up for you xxx

  2. moniquegallagher said:

    This contains fabulous insights, thank you for sharing your process here. I currently have Chiron square my natal Sun and I can feel myself absolutely unwilling to comply and go along. Almost like the years of backlog of not following my inner knowing is creating a very strong backbone. Intense time to say the least. I also loved how you thanked your friends for sticking with you as you go through your evolution. Bless you!

  3. […] the Chiron transits that feel as if they’re right in my face. As well as this Neptune aspect Tr. Chiron has been square my Sun and is still sextile my Mars and I realize I’ve been trying to achieve that wholeness; find […]

  4. […] to go right now.  It’s said that time heals*, after all, and those particular past issues** have almost been dealt with.  Almost is the key word here.  I know I need to look again but […]

  5. mary blyth said:

    This is another honest to goodness slice of your life that has messages, inspiration and insights for us all. I love the way you describe the “messages that form the fear base on which I perched for years” What a perfect way to describe the unfortunate position many of us raised in the 50’s adopted for survival. Bless you and Yes! Van Morrison is such good medicine! Love you, Mary

    • Thank you for your kind words, Mary. I always have a little “eeeek” when I post something. It’s nice to know it’s read and related to. Fond Aloha’s xoxo~

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